At the gym a little while ago I was listening to Jen Kirkman’s podcast and she mentioned that at school she always assumed she was right and the other kids were wrong. For example, if the kids hated her shoes then she would just think that they were idiots with no taste, that she was the one with awesome taste. This struck a cord with me as I tend to be the opposite, wondering what is wrong with me and what I can change. A friend had also mentioned something similar a few weeks before, saying that she never takes that look on someone’s face or their attitude personally, she just assumes that they are having a bad day. Again I am the opposite, tending to wonder what have I done to upset them.
This realisation, that other people don’t internalise things the way I do has been more than a little life changing. I shouldn’t always be wondering what I have done to upset people or thinking that my clothes/hair etc aren’t good enough. I need to be confident in my behaviour and instead think that they are the ones with horrible taste or that they are having a bad day. I can think about what I can do to make their day better but I don’t have to wonder what I have done wrong because the answer is more than likely that I haven’t done anything wrong!
It really made me think that I sure don’t want to be instilling that kind of self doubt in Lulu at all. I want her to be confident and assured in her taste. I want her to have empathy for other people but I don’t want her to internalise other people’s behaviour and attitudes. I want her to have Jen and my friend’s confidence - and my new found confidence.
Do you internalise everything or do you have a well developed inner confidence?